


AsylumStuck

by TheLoneRaven909



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Body Horror, F/F, F/M, Gore, Insanity, M/M, Mental Institutions, Psychological Horror, Self Harm, Weird Shit, a tiny bit of cannibalism, after the game, lots of insanity, reset timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2017-12-04 04:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLoneRaven909/pseuds/TheLoneRaven909
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a reset time line, everyone had to relive their lives. In a last chance effort, Aradia and Sollux sacrificed themselves to defeat LE, thus throwing everyone to earth and resetting everything.<br/>But here's the catch.<br/>No one remembers.</p>
<p>No one but John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ((This was a collaberation with my friend Keyona. She wrote as Karkat, in a perspective so that it would fit like a book. She's the best role player I've ever collaberated with. ))

If he thinks back to his childhood, Karkat's pretty damn sure that this nursing oufit- oh wait, 'Volunteer Uniform', like he really can't tell these people want him to 'be your inner goody-goody nurse' are you serious?- isn't what he envisoned for his future. His badge has even been personalized by a huge smiling face.  
In order to set the universe to rights, Karkat scowls- lightly though, dont want to get glared at on the first day- and walks to the main lobby. Some higher up in wearing glasses told him he'd get his 'assignment' here.  
For the love of all that is good and grim, even Karkat knows that to treat a person like a human, you have to see them *as* human.

~

Oh today is one of your favorite days. Yes, yes.. It is friendship room day! Everyone is out in a big room. You're the only one wearing a huggy jacket though. That's not very funny. You shuffle your way to the far corner, pulling your knees to your chest. Ahohoho! It is also buddy day! There are people, healthy people walking into the containment room. Some look very friendly, and some look sad. Why? You are confused. You start to mumble under your breath. Lots of clouds and sunshine today...with a light, beautiful breeze..

~

  
 He stalks into the large room, clutching a small to do list that some silly person pressed -fucking forced- into his highly reluctant hand, no, he doesn't want that shit thanks and have a nice day, argh- that all volunteers need to accomplish on the first day. It only has a few items but the first one, *the very first damn one* is to socialize with the other, more experienced nurses and get an idea on what he'll be doing for who knows how long. Karkat eyes the one side of the room, the absolutely too happy and probably faked laughter and immediately heads for the quieter side, sure he'll find someone he can easily get some information from and fast. As he's walking, he almost misses the boy in the corner. Curious- and he *knows* that stupid saying, okay, he's just gonna pretend it isn't true- he changes direction and strides towards him.

  
~

Your eyes are closed, well, haha one is swollen right now anyway! Doc says glass found itself in there. Silly glass! -NONOWHYDIDNTYOUFUCKINGDIE- you hear something, are those footsteps? You open your dead, hollow eyes and slowly look up at a boy who's haulted a safe distance from you. Haha, why did you say safe? Why wouldn't you be safe?? -DIEFUCKINGDIEDIEDIE- maybe its your huggy jacket? Your eyes meet.

.......................................

Your pupils become needle thin within a second.  
You forget to breathe.  
That thin line of sanity snaps once more.  
Darn, you were doing so well today..

~

Karkat takes a step back. The boy- teen really, he looked about the same age- had snapped to attention when he'd walked over, and, uh he hadn't blinked since. He tries to catch the rise and fall of the boys chest- oh fuck, he's not breathing, don't panic idiot * DO NOT FUCKING PANIC CALL FOR HELP*- and -later he'll admit he's so very not proud of his toddler like actions- shouts and rushes to him.  
"Hey," Karkat snaps as he nearly tumbles into the other boy," you have to breathe!"  
He hasn't been taught how to make someone take a breath- short of punching them in the gut, and he's almost completely sure that wouldn't be helpful here anyways- and oh shit, what should he do?

~

You don't think you can do that. Tears sting at your eyes, already running down your cheeks. You never break your gaze on him, trying to get your body to work again. It...it was HIM. You feel your lips twitch, sliding into the purest smile you've ever shown. You haven't smiled in 3 years.  
"..Karkat..."  
Your smile widens and you lean forward.  
It was him! It was Karkat! He sure looked funny, where did his horns go? But..that didn't matter! It was Karkat! Your boyfriend! You were going to rule the world together. You remember that promise he'd made. -NOHESDEADTHEYREALLDEAD-

  
~

Did he just? *No, no, focus Karkat*, he thinks to himself, anxiously watching as tears fall quickly from unseeing- and startlingly blue, seemingly attached to his face- eyes. He hears various people running to him, now that he's made a bigger scene than Micheal Bay explosions in any movie.  
Shouts fly over Karkat's head and hands grab him, pulling and tugging until he's standing aside, frozen as orderlies help the kid. When he couldn't- but it's his *first day* even, *he* shoudn't expect himself to react like he's done this for years, gosh-and...  
And....  
He's pretty sure, now, that kid mumbled his name.  
*His* name, because it's super fucking hard to say anything *other* than his name, it's soooo unique.

~

Your smile slips right off of your face as the whitecoats storm in. You slide lightning fast into the back wall and curl up, terrified. you hated their needles! THE FUCKING NEEDLES NO NO NO NO NO

You're screaming for Karkat, save you save you SAVE ME KARKAT PLEASE SAVE ME OH GOD IT HURTS NO NO NO NO  
Then its too late, you're slipping away. You're swallowed by the darkness and your body falls limply forward as the needles are pulled out of your arms and legs. Five fucking syringes are needed to put you down.

~

Finally it's over. From his table away from the glances and the flapping tongues- he can hear you all, dumb fuckasses- Karkat grumbles to the table, complaining. How was he supposed to know he'd set the kid off by simply existing. At some point a hand had landed on his shoulder, accompanied by a 'it wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known'.  
For the rest of the day, Karkat slinks through the halls, hissing angrily when one of the other newbies raises their eyebrows in that 'oh, that was *you*' way. If that wasn't enough- it's life. Enough is never enough- he can't help but remember the sound of his name from the other- he makes a mental note to find out the poor guys name-.  
He can't help but flinch when the glistening needles follow swiftly after in the memory. If he hadn't walked over, the guy might've still be able to enjoy his corner.

~

When you pull yourself out of the darkness, your strapped to the bed again. -NONONONONONO- you look around wildly. Where did Karkat go? No no no! You just found him! Where did he go?! You thrash crazily, hitting your head on the metal sheet. You were going to GET Karkat back! You can't lose him again! The whitecoat comes in, and you tell him exactly who you want to see.  
He won't let Karkat come see you. WHY?? you scream at him, trying to bite him, kick him, anything. God, you really wish you had fresh air....but they knew about your powers. Damnit.  
But you won't let him win. You tell him you need to use the bathroom, and it works. He let's you go. Then he leaves, of course.  
You scoot over to the toilet, looking at it. -ENDTHISKILLYOURSELFDIEDIEDIE- you bite your lip and relax your body, letting your head slam into the freezing water. You know with the huggy jacket on you can't save yourself. -ENDTHISNONONOSTOPTHISNOWDIE-  
You can already hear the distant shouts.

~

He's had an entire night to mull and lose sleep over what transpired yesterday- yes, he does have a word of the day calendar, and fuck you it was a christmas gift-, with the guilt hitting him with all the subtlety of a hammer to the face. The kid, his name, the needles, the goshdamned corner, and manic orderlies all spinning round and round in a whirlwind of thoughts. Frankly, it's no surprise he shuffled out of bed at four A.M. to start his wonderful morning. Karkar squints at the third- or is it fourth, he isn't sure at all- cup of coffee in his hand. It'll be his second day. He doesn't think they'll assign him anyone now, what with how he handled things yesterday. They might not even let him through the front door. "'No thank you Mr. Vantas," he mimics to himself, struggling with a pair of pants. "We don't need self-absorbed pretenders who can't even get one boy to take a breath of air here. Just see yourself back out the gates, thank you kindly'.Damn, what'll I tell Dad if that happens?" Sneakily checking for said parental unit- thank God, he's not here, okay, *move move move*- Karkat grabs his gear and jets out the door.  
He just won't tell dad.  
Ever.

~

You didnt die yesterday. -DAMNITJUSTFUCKINGDIE- the whitecoat man barged in and forced the water out of your lungs. He yelled at you. Called you stupid. You 're not stupid! Its not your fault. Its the Game. You just want your friends to remember. That's all!! But you eventually won the argument. It took two more toilet attempts before they removed it from your room. The man said he was going to get Karkat for you. You know its only because he is sick of you.  
You're put in a different room. This one has a table and two chairs. They are bolted to the floor. Hahaha, not like you could touch them anyway. You've been wearing the huggyjacket for so long, your arms are very thin. You are left in the room alone. You don't mind sitting there at all though. There are no mirrors or toilets or cups or beds. So you can be happy soon. Karkat is coming!

~

The exact fucking opposite of everything you thought up on the ride over happens. Not only is there a person waiting at the gate, but she looks ecstatic to see you, as if you were there to deliver her a plate of pearls, diamonds, and gold.

She chirps out, " Karkat Vantas?"  
You know beyond a doubt that this girl has probably been asking everyone walking if they were, indeed, Karkat. Poor fools. "Why on this barely green earth do you know my name and why are you saying it that way; don't you realize it is too fuc- freaking early for that?" He winces. "uh, I mean, yes. I'm Karkat."  
It's too late, Damage sent, opened, and exploded in her face. Her smile twitches- oh goodness, you've angered Satan, way to go fucker- and she turns on her heel, tossing a "Follow me, please" behind her.  
He's not ashamed to say he trudges behind her like a kid on his way to time out for bad behavior.

~

You're twitching with excitement. Oh he would be here soon! You had so much to tell him! You pause your thoughts and look at the floor. He didn't help you though..when you called for him. Does he remember you? You bite your lip and look up as you hear footsteps. Oh you hope he does! Maybe he doesn't recognize you with your huggyjacket and longer hair, they took your glasses too after you tried to swallow the glass. Hehe. The door opens and you smile big. Karkat!

~

The girl pushes open the door. Karkat nearly sighs in relief- they'd stood outside the large grey slab of a door for far longer than any one person really had any reason to, all so she could 'impart' her words of wisdom. In other words, what he should and shouldnt do.  
The sight before him throws every single piece of barely remembered advice out the scarily thick glass window. The boy is smiling at Karkat, as if they hadn't ened their last 'meeting' with the guy getting knocked the fuck out. Karkat is starting to feel like, just this once, he's getting into a bit more than he can handle.

  
~

You see Karkat and giggle, looking him over. You had been too surprised the first time to get a good look at him. He looks the same, really..but his skin is this delightful caramel color! Wowowow, do you love caramel! And his ears arent pointy anymore, and his horns are gone! But his eyes are still a peculiar color. They edge on the maroonish-brown color. You really missed Karkat....  
So much that you don't know what to say! -FUCKNOITSNOTHIMHEDOESNTLOVEYOU- the dead feeling comes crashing in, no no no! Not now! Your eyes get hollow and you slump a little, letting it take over. You can't make them remember. There's no point in trying. You..you give up.

~

But that's never stopped him before, and he, sure as there's a bright yellow obnoxious star in the sky, isn't going to let that stop him! Karkat nods sharply, looks back down, and promptly deflates. Fuck. During his 'so inspiring it ought to be in a damn movie script' inner monoluge, the guy had stopped smiling and even hunched over a tad. Karkat dives into a very graceful and competely deserved facepalm.  
"Hey ki- I mean, uh,"  
Karkat winces. See, he knew there was a reason he needed to take that public speaking class. "What's your name?" There, a conversation started. -Good job, you four year old-.  
-Don't forget to be polite-, his inner Mother May I scolds. "I'm Karkat." But he kinda suspects this guy already knows.

~

Hehe, it was good to hear him clarify what you know. You want to tell him that you're john Egbert, that you're the heir of breath, that you're his boyfriend, that you love him, that...."oh please take me from this awful place Karkat I want to be free I want to fly savemesavemeiloveyoupleaselovemestillreMEMBERMEKARKAT.."  
Only then do you realize that half of your thoughts had come out as jumbled, hushed whispers. You don't look at him, but your mouth won't close. You continue to whisper to yourself, and a little part of you hopes Karkat can hear It.  
"..I missed you so much kitty won't you talk to me? show me what life was like for you here tell me you rememberkarkatpleasedontleavemeliketheyalld-id.."

~

Karkat takes a moment to try and process just what, exactly is going on. Instead of his name -which, what? no, name please, order ready for pick up, that shit is needed or someone's going hungry- a litany of words are spewing from his mouth at a nearly nonstop rate and the only part Karkat really gets, is that this guy is asking him for help.  
First things first. "My name is K-A-R-K-A-T. Not Kitty or whatever on the spot nickname you decide to slap out next." A scowl is practically begging to be let loose; he refrains with a will stronger than Zeus could ever hope to posses. Instead, Karkat walks ove rand sits criss-cross applesauce -shut up, he loves rhymes- across from him. "I'll, um, tell you more about me if that waterslide of spillage was your way of asking?" For now, he fully intends to ignore the obviously misheard declarations of affection and faulty memory.  
"But you tell me your hidden further than a egg in a stupid easter hunt name first."

~

You snap put of the sad place and your eyes seem to slowly haze back into focus. You look down at Karkat, why was he sitting on the floor like that? What a silly boy! You listen to him reply, smiling softly. He was trying so hard not to be mean, you could tell by the way his eyebrow kept twitching. You look at him in silence for a long time, just savoring the sound of his voice. You've waited sixteen years relived to hear that voice again. Finally, you answer him.  
"I'm John."  
Then you giggle.

~

John. His name is John. Karkat tilts his head. He does sorta look like a John. THE John, even. "Great, step one complete, everybody leave; mission was a success." Pause. "John." Introducing the awkward stage, because he knows there isn't a sociable bone in his body -he gets it, okay- and what do people normally talk about?  
There's nothing normal about this, which is the explanation behind his actions. "I don't do converstations, in case you hadn't picked that up." Karkat was still very curious about the other ki- John. About John. And, he sneaks a glance at the so focused blue gaze locked onto him, John -seemed- curious -if creepily knowing- about Karkat, too.  
"We'll each say a small fact about ourselves, nothing big," because no way is he unloading his damaged goods on John, nope, not today, fuck that, "and take turns from there. I'll start."  
"My last name is Vantas." It's absolutely pathetic as a fact, and Karkat can feel a small fire in his cheeks from shame, so he hurridley adds, "I like movies." Better, more of a huge understatement than anything -he'll wax so poetic about movies the world would crown him King from the grandness of it-; still no one needs to know that much.

~

You giggle some more at the gentleness of his facts. It was silly! You knew his name, and you knew he absolutely LOVED romcoms, especially Hitch. Anything with troll Will Smith blew him away. You remember exactly, how you shared your first kiss. You stole his heart by showing him The Notebook. Hehe. "Kitkat, I know that already!" You totally blow off his comment earlier, how could you NOT call him cute names? "Oh its my turn...well, my last name is Egbert, and I like movies too!" You giggle to yourself. Why was he playing these games with you?

~


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Keyona has started coming online more often! Yesss! Now Asylumstuck can be updated faster! Can I hear a whoop?))

He really wants to make a comment about that last name,- Egbert, really?- can feel the absolute ocean of snark attempting to tidal wave out of his mouth and somehow manages to spit out, "Blue!"  
Way to go, dumbass. Karkat can't help but agree with the sentiment. Blue? Someone remove him, please, before he bombs Egbert -snort, no he's not three but c'mon- with more rich utterences such as that.

~  
You tilt your head and giggle, looking down at him. "Blue what, kitty cat? Blue bells, blue birds, blue skies?" He pauses and hunches his shoulders slightly. "The sky.. How does it look, Karkat?" Your eyes lock on the boy again, your tone becoming hollow and serious. "Is it pretty still?"  
You miss the sky. The wind, oh god the wind! You bite your lip until it bleeds, remembering your Godtier days. "..do you ever watch the sky like you used to?"  
~

His first instinct is to return with 'what do you think'. And, and then he's caught by the wording of the second question. -Like I used to? Me, personally?- Hesitantly, and startled into honesty, he answers.  
"I watch it. Everything- Stars, clouds, all of it. It's beautiul and free and-" and something in Egberts face makes the well of words dry up, shrivel into nothingness.  
How long has it been since this guy has seen the outside world?  
~

Oops, you're crying again. Tears are dripping down your face in an endless stream. You really wished he..he would show a sign of remembering. Karkat used to pester you every night before you met up. He would tell you the stars he saw. You start to shake, losing control slowly but surely. Your blurry vision is still stuck to the boy sitting there on the floor, cross legged like he always did. You smile through your tears and hiccup softly.  
"Karkat..."

You let out a broken sob.

"Do you still think of me when you see the stars..?"  
~

 

Oh bludgeoning fuck.  
Mentally, Karkat sees himself walking to the nearest wall and repeatedly introducing it to his head. In reality, he stands up and slowly puts his arms around Joh- er, Egbert. "I don't know you," he says bluntly, while trying to be considerate at the same time, hoping this is the right way to help Egbert. "But."  
"But when I see the stars, when the wind blows, when I'm alone with the sky above me and the grass beneath me," -dont say it, dont say it, DONT YOU FUCKING SAY IT-, "I cry." -DAMN IT YOU TEAR-LICKING BUTT MUNCH-. "For no reason, with the wind tossing my birdsnest of a hair-do and meteors passing overhead, I get unbearabley sad."  
~

 

You listen to Karkat's every word, he-he did have some memory! Buried deep somewhere in his mind..Karkat remembers! You freeze up when his arms drape over you. Your blue eyes dart up to him. You sniffle and wish your arms were free. You lower your voice. "Karkat.. " you keep your eyes on his; karkat's eyes were really pretty like this.  
"Could you untie me..?"  
~

 

Karkat takes back his last fuck and upgrades it to 'fuck of all fucks'. He stiffens, still hugging Egbert. Releasing anyone in bonds was most definitely Not Allowed- at least not without the permission of a nurse much higher up.  
"I- I'm not- I can't." Crap. No way would they let a newbie like him handle Egbert without his bindings. He was lucky- that's one way to think of it- to even be in the same room alone! "I'm sorry; I can't."  
~

 

You don't freak out, which is a surprise. You look down, a little disappointed. "Oh..okay.." You figured he couldnt. You bite your lip harder, feeling it cut between your teeth. "You'll be my Buddy, right?" You smile at him, brightly. "I don't want to lose you again, kitty cat!"  
A little bit of you still yearns to be freed. You wanted to touch Karkat. To feel him again. It was killing you that you couldnt even hold his hand or anything. You had never hated the whitecoats as much as you do right now.  
~

 

He lets go; no amount of hugging would make Egbert- you just tore apart his hope like it was nothing, you can at least call him by first name- fine; JOHN any happier with what's just been said. But Karkat jumps on his next request like its that stupidly smart mouse from that cartoon. "Yeah, Eg-JOHN, damn it! I'll be your Buddy." you even capitalize the 'B' to show how much you mean it.  
Karkat squints at John. "What do you mean-oh nevermind, it's probably some long complicated tale, rooted deep in that head of yours." The cranky teen decides he'll wait to ask who it is John keeps confusing for Karkat.  
Y'know, since they've never met before. Must be a great friend or something. He shrugs it off; it's really not that important, right?  
~

 

You smile really big and its almost as if life is better. You giggle and tap your toes on the steel floor. "Well you know Karkit, if you think hard enough, you have the same story buried in there somewhere!" You wiggle in your seat a little. You wonder if your arms died on you. "Now that we're Buddies, you can take me places! And we can eat together and hang out and even go to the play room! Doesn't that sound fun?" You look at your boyfriend -is he still equalled as that?- and study his reactions.  
~

 

"I knew it." Karkat declares with the triumph of the righteous.  
"You're not a person; you're a puppy."  
It's almost like a dance, the way Johns wriggling. Wriggle,Wriggle, Wriggle, pause, squirm, Wriggle, Wriggle, Wriggle- ugh. His eyes are wide open, wider than he's ever seen, and shining with excitement where before they held despair and- okay, clearly he needs to lay off afternoon dramas.  
Karkat makes sure to frown at John, so he understands how thrilled Karkat is. "That sounds so fun I'm quite sure I'll combust from the neverending joy that accompanies it, and then where will you be?" He asks sternly.  
~

 

You stop for a second. What? You're not a puppy! Silly Karkat!! Then you're at it again, smile never fading. "Oh, then they'll-" oh, there goes the smile. "Then they'll.." You stop wiggling and feel the icy fingers slicing into you. "They whitecoats will put me back in my big cloudy room. They don't even trust me in a cell anymore. I guess I cant be trusted with anything but pillows!" Your laugh is hollow and dead when it slips past your lips. Soon the pillows would be taken too.  
~

He sighs, because it was a joke and he stupidly forgot that John was, in fact, under constant supervision and if Karkat messed up- as he just had- then it was most likely back to being alone for John.  
Ignoring that glaring mistake, Karkat says firmly, "We'll just have to show them otherwise." Bold declaration, yes, now how was he going to make it so?  
First of all, he'd need to get permission to work with John; Just because he didn't currently have anyone 'assigned' to him didn't mean it would stay that way, not to mention that John was probably above whatever level newbies had permission to 'care for'.  
Gingerly Karkat pats John on the head. "Um, do your best to not get upset?" How do you politely say 'don't give them any reason to lock you away if you want to go outside of your 'room'? "Okay? Okay." Satisfied he didn't completely screw up everything, Karkat strides to the gray behemoth door. "See you soon."  
~

You pause for a moment, surprised by the sudden contact. It made your pale cheeks flush pink, and your eyes watch him well back over to the door. -NONONONOKARKATDONTGOPLEASEDONTLEAVEME- you take a few steps forward and look at him. "You're leaving already?" Tears threaten to leak from your eyes again. You shuffle your feet and bite your lip.  
You had just found him! And he was going to leave? Even after you tired to make him remember..he really must not like you anymore! Did he find someone else? Was he married? Or does he hate you now because you're locked up?  
~

Karkat isn't quite sure what to do. John is sniffling and staring at him with a betrayed look in his eyes. He hates feeling like he's kicked some sort of bouncy puppy, thrown it over a bridge and laughed gleefully as it falls.  
He walks back to John and hugs him tightly, sure that it will make John happier -never mind its beyond his own comfort zone- and calmer. "You want me to come back, right?" He asks carefully.  
~

You feel your body heat up when Karkat wraps his arms around you. Oh gee, you wish you could hug him back!! At this distance you notice that he's actually taller than you now. That's silly! You hide your face in his neck and sniffle back what could have been tears. "Yeah.." And it's probably the most honest thing your fractured mind has let you say in a long time. You want him to come back; but you also want him to save you.  
You lean back a little and look into Karkat's pretty, pretty red eyes, smiling. "I really want you to come back, kitty! Will you? For me?"

~  
Karkat, despite not knowing *how* he'll be able to come back, immediately says yes. He'll come back if he has to bypass every code and rule like its a malfunctioning computer and he's the kickass programmer come to rewrite its enitre code. "For you," he affirms, making sure John can see how much he means it, "I'll come back."

 

~  
You smile and kiss his cheek. "I know you will too, because you've never lied to me once." Your voice gets quiet and you drop your gaze. "Not once.." Then there's men in the room, and they don't look happy. One is yelling at Karkat for making physical contact. "It could have been dangerous," he says. You frown. He called you an "it"! You scream and try to get away from the two white coats who've taken you. Then there's a mask on your face and you are silent. You watch Karkat and the man with the clipboard talk, tears in your eyes from the sudden pain in your arms.

 

~  
Karkat wants to ask- ask, fuck, a punch to the groin wouldn't be too good for either of these busted-ass 'nurses'- "Was that extreme show of overkill completely necessary?!" and, oops, it slipped out anyway. He keeps an eye on John, uneasy with his sudden lapse in character- no, its the cheer thats wierd, why would you think otherwise- and, just, no.  
"The only dangerous situation here is the one you two fu- freaking apes just created!" They both level unimpressed looks at him -well, see, there goes calm, tossed out like its yesterdays shitty dinner of brussel sprouts and 'suck my bulge' juice-. "John wasn't doing anything that is even vaguely in the same f- freaking universe as mentally unwell or upset."  
Mentally, Karkat reminds himself he wont be helping anyone if they kick him out for 'having an attitude and disrespecting authority'. Yeah, been there, done that, got the lame mug to go with it.

 

~  
You watch them talk, your tears stop soon after they started. These men are holding you so tightly. So..so tightly. At least you know your arms are not dead, by the pain. You bite your lip when you see the open cell door. The hallway is brightly lit, until you reach the last two doors. There, the ceiling light strips have been torn off. You know who's room that is. But youve never talked to him. You wish you could. Karkat would love to see his friend again.  
Meanwhile, then man with the clipboard raises an eyebrow. "Really, Vantas. You do not know him like we do. This thing cannot even qualify as human. He's a level four. You're lucky you got this chance." He frowns. "I won't ban you from subject 413, but I'm going to warn you. Don't get too friendly with him."

~

-Restrain restrain restrain restraaaaaiiiin- Hopefully saying it enough in his head will prevent Karkat from snatching whatever intelligence these idiots have left by way of a kiss to the face from his fist. Narrow eyes fall flat, as he gazes -read, tones down the 'die you fucking twit' to 'go play in traffic'- at Clipboardman.  
"I don't have an assigment", Karkat growls out, almost spitting in distaste of what's tumbling out. "Let me work with John."

~

 

The man pauses for a good long time. Your eyes flicker over to Karkat. Was he really willing to become your Keeper? They were more important than buddies. They were allowed to take the clients places and even let them roam around the asylum! You smile under your mask. He really must love you! Even your Voice agrees. The man looks at you and narrows his eyes. "Subject 413, if you harm him, it will leave a stain on our name that cannot be erased. You will have everything taken from you." He taps his funny little metal board. "You don't want to end up like Subject 108 now do you?"  
You shake your head vigorously. No, no you don't. You look at Karkat earnestly, and so does the man. He sighs. "Mr. Vantas, I'll need you to sign a few papers and get you into your uniform. I suppose it's time John had a Keeper."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew! finally able to post another chapter. things are getting intense!  
> sorry for the weird text and/or errors, i had to post this hastily. i hope you still enjoy the update!

Once idiots one and two have absconded, Karkat takes a moment to really enjoy the festering anger residing in his body due to the mask they've placed on John. It's ugly, it's inhuman, and John has dissolved into wordless murmurs. It appears to be hurting him, and it takes every once of restraint and -don't you fuck this up, Vantas- care to not throw a gosh-damned hissy fit to get it removed.  
One smoldering glare tossed over the shoulder to intimidate- and warn, can't have them saying they didn't know- the apes, and Karkat is stuck trying to make John comfortable in a place designed for torture.  
  
  
You keep your eyes on Karkat, shaking still. You can't believe this is happening! Karkat looks really angry, though. Was he mad at you? You really hope not...Since you can't talk, you stop the messy mumbles and let the room fall to silence. You focus your scrambled brain on the pulsing pain in your upper arms. You smile as best as you can over the mask. Your arms are still alive, at least.  
After a solid 20 minutes, the man with the clipboard returns. He walks over to Karkat with a smug look and hands him a stack of papers and a pen. "Return this to me immediately after its completion." He then hands Karkat a white set of scrubs with red detailing, and the same smiley logo on the right shoulder. neatly stitched into the left breast is his last name, in red thread. Under that, in smaller letters, is "Keeper". On his left shoulder there's a patch with "Patient 413" written in blue. The man nods. "Welcome to the staff, Vantas." A small smile plays at his lips. "I hope you enjoy your stay." One of the nurses hands him a book titled "RULES", then the three of them leave.

~

Karkat has no idea what to do now- okay he's got a vague idea that it involves either signing shit or changing- but he takes a brief, smug moment to breathe in the sweet air of accomplishment. It helps that the cool air calms him down, makes his face relax from what Karkat's sure was complete hatred. Idiotic ape-men and their stupid clipboards. It's as he's just standing there with one hand full of _busy work_ and the other with his brand spanking new uniform- golly gee!!- that he realizes that the room is silent. John is silent.

 _"John_ ," Karkat says somewhat confusedly, starting at the loudness of the words, "I didn't fuck up this time." He frowns; 'this time'? As opposed to some other time? "I think." 'Da Rulez' book is weighing heavily in his hand, so he sets both it and the uniform on the ground- no point in changing right now, he doesn't want anyone to see him like that, especially not John- and settles in to go through the mountain of paperwork that will basically amount to ' you better watch what John does or so help you God, we will rain holy hell upon you, your family, and your little fucking dog too', and allow him some semblance of control over what is done to John. Glancing at the other boy, Karkat's hand twitches. Whether it's in desire to rip-tear off that painful looking mask without causing him _more pain_ \- that's the last thing he needs, you smelly butt-jockey, god, don't you ever _think?!-_ or a somewhat unnatural desire to soothe it and make it better -you've never been one to be so blatantly _caring, what the ever loving fuck did you eat this morning-_ the need to do something, to move, is causing similar twitches to break out all over his body. So he starts idly doodling on the pages as he reads those motherfuckers- no damn loopholes are getting through. "Try to get comfy." It comes out more gruffly then he wanted it to, and offers John a pseudo smile. With teeth.

 _Okay_ , so it's more like bared teeth, what-the-fuck you enjoy the feel of your canines on your lips _shove off_.

 _"_ It's going to take awhile for me to read this, what, did they decide to write a gosh-damned book of it..." aaaand cue the rambling.

~

You feel a little flutter of excitement when Karkat says "this time". You know for certain; he remembers! Somewhere in his now-human brain, he longs to sleep in slime and has some sort of memory of you. Your shattered essence clings to this thought like it's your only chance of survival. Well..it kind of is. You nod to Karkat and watch him as he works, listening intently to the rise and fall of his expressive voice, just as beautiful as you remember it. You feel your Voice fall quietly into the darkness, and a sense of calm comes over you.  
One step closer.  
You feel your mouth twitch at the thought of being able to hug Karkat someday. That he'll remember you one morning, walk into your cell and cry out your name like it's Christmas. That he'll kiss you again and hold you. You laugh over the lump in your throat, remembering his promise. You would rule the world together. New Earth, that's what Jade named it. Karkat hated that name, but he settled. It takes you a second to realize that you're crying. Oops...You sniffle and try your best not to make too much noise, lest you disturb Karkat. A broken "Hic" leaves your open mouth before you can stop it, even though you can't move your mouth due to this mask. You dully wonder if they'll ever take it off. Maybe it'll be like the huggy jacket. You laugh again, louder this time. Then how would Karkat kiss you? You laugh and laugh, and cry. It's a frightening sight.  
~

Oh shit, John's crying.

Karkat _thinks_ he's crying. There's an odd note in his voice- this might be what so many of your novels describe as the sound of 'hysteria', which almost always follows a breakdo; no,not that, please God in the shiny yellow heaven not tha-, and the hairs on the back of his neck rise as John laughs and cries, laughs and cries. It's terrifying to watch, and a small, reptile part of his brain knows that its because John is hurting; tears are, in his experience, only for the really good or the very, very bad.

Nothing about this place is good, so he figures it must be that last one. Duh.

Karkat grips the pen in his hand tightly, frantically glancing at the door the longer John goes. He knows that if the Apemen come back to John in hysterics and Karkat still sitting with a dumb, worried look on his face -way to show them you can handle yourself, dumbass- neither will end up in a situation they want to be in. Luckily, Karkats almost done with the papers. He quickly signs away his soul and time on the remaining pages and focuses completely on John.

He doesn't want to shout at John-that's damn right, you don't _want_ to shout. Most of the time it happens anyway, _you don't know why_ \- not when it might make the situation worse and make them 'forcibly calm' him again. Karkat shudders. No way he's letting that happen again. And Karkat isn't really the best at comforting anyone. He talks at them, fidgets, and causes the most awkward moments _ever_.

But he's got to do something.

He slowly reaches for John, giving the other time to dodge or whimper or whatever it is Johns do when threatened.

~

You open your bleary eyes and see that Karkat has focused on you. This sends a jolt to your stomach and at first you flinch, but you're not sure why. Karkat would never hurt you. So, you look to his hand and press your cheek into it. You sniffle and try to smile over your mask. Right about now, you really, really hate this thing, blocking you from speech, from breath. Dully, your voice reminds you that you should just DIEALREADYDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE- You try your best to ignore your Voice and stare into Karkat's glorious, beautiful eyes.  
  
From behind the wall, the men watch all of this unfold, and the man with the clipboard watches with honest awe at how well this newbie has handled him. It was as if this guy knew John at an intimate level. This information both pleased and bothered the man.

~

John's hair is all kinds of messy, and shiny, carrying the slickness of the not recently washed- not that you can say jack shit, you hardly bother with a comb because no. Too thick for that shit. Just no- and Karkat thinks it's really unfair.

It's been unfair, but really, something as simple as a wash would probably do wonders. He knows that whenever he's had a bad day, taking a shower or a bubble bath- _not allowed to judge thank you_ \- just the act of washing makes him a tad more relaxed and feeling better. It feels like another odd rule that keeps those locked up here from being human; treating them as if they're not.

John had let Karkat touch his cheek, with a small flinch- and it sort of _hurt_ for reasons that make no sense, no sense at all, why do you have any fucks to give about it grow up and- and Karkat spent time trying to make him safer. He's not at all sure if it worked, but he tried -never let them tell you trying is all that matters, braindead, you have-. He tried and John calmed down, if not feeling that much better because he's still got _look_ , the one that Karkat can almost read perfectly, and when those damned Apemen came back in to take his papers, Karkat attempted to at least get John _some_ freedom.

They've been waiting for awhile now, and soon, it'll be time for the day to end.

But he's not leaving without victory, that's for damn sure.

~

You stare at Karkat with nothing but love and admiration in your hollow eyes. You feel his skin on your cheek and gosh, you wish he never had to leave, _ever._ You close your eyes for too long and in a second there's hands on your ribs and you're being yanked from the only comfort in your life, again. Clipboard man seems less angry as he walks into the room, his eyes on Karkat. "So, do you like your new uniform, Vantas?" His thin hand folds out, waiting for the papers. A shiver of excitement stabs you in the stomach and you quiver slightly, ignoring the lacing pain in your veins. Karkat was going to be your Keeper! _Your_ Keeper!

~

Karkat stares into the abyss that is his new uniform and 'Da Rulez' book, and swears to all the fluttery little angels in heaven that it smirks back.

After slapping the forms into the sweaty palms of the gorilla and receiving a grunt in return, he'd finally been able to get John some leeway- in that they would start to treat John decently. Of course, like any good gift, it came with rules. They were on a trial period - why on earth did you think it would be that _easy, nothing is ever that easy don't you ever_ learn, _you overgrown nematode_ \- and were going to be under constant surveillance. Remember, it's not paranoia when they're out to get you. It'd been hard saying goodbye to John for the day, but they'd gained a lot, considering, and even Karkat knows to not push your luck.

He's been going through the stupid book for no good amount of time; read, his Dad was so puzzled at seeing the tome on his bed that'd tried to burn it, thinking that Karkat was suddenly into some magic shit- uh, no thanks, have you _seen_ what happens with magic, it kills you _dead_ \- and Karkat had to tell a censored version of the truth -and really, magic isn't okay but _being a fucking mobster is what goes on inside his freaking head-_. Dad's response had been to lock him in his room until he'd finished.

A+ parenting. Right there.  
One of the only things keeping him from falling asleep while reading- aside from the fact that it feels like the book and uniform are watching him, jeezum crow- is what Karkat pictures Johns face will look like when he's _finally_ allowed more freedom.

~

Karkat isn't sure what he told the Check-in people- were they people? you distinctly recall several bright lizards welcoming you to the staff this morning each with barbie doll plastic smiles, what the ever loving hell did you eat last night- but they've shuffled him into a silent white classroom filled with several other terrified people, all trying to hide grimaces as smiles. He does spot one or two who seem like they are actually _happy_ to be awake at God-killed-the-Sun-early, and makes a mental note to avoid them, as they are demons and will destroy his night loving soul.

He hadn't managed to get through the entire 'Da Rulez' book, yet had gotten far enough in to realize that on top of learning about John and being able to help him, he'll also be required to take classes in "The Best Way to Maximize your Buddies Mental Health" -which sounds like such utter bull shit you can hardly believe it's words falling from their mouths and not pure dung- and be reviewed until he passes as a certified 'Buddy'. -Actually, they'd use the word 'Keeper' but you sort of flare up and bristle at the word, so 'Buddy' it is-. It was a two hour class, and then it was time to 'watch over' John.

Which is probably why Karkat's not sure how he ended up in front of John, with a tray. He takes a moment to look around, and is very disturbed.

Because the brightest part of the room is John's shining blue eyes, and it shouldn't be that way. Determined, Karkat's first words to John of the day are, "We are gonna get shit done," followed by the clattering of the tray as he sets it down. Aaaand because that's not how he's supposed to start, -you swear you have manners, but before ten they all fuck off to parts unknown-

Aaaaaaand then he slightly mumbles a _definitely_ embarrassed, "Sorry, I mean, How are you doing this morning?

~

 

 

You think you actually got some sleep last night! How amazing that sounds to you. Your Voice was still nowhere to be heard, and that already made you happy. The whitecoats had to wake you up this morning, telling you that Karkat was here. You jumped up happily at this, and let them lead you to a different room, like the one you were in before you had a huggy jacket. There's a little mirror in the corner and a small light on the ceiling. You think it might be broken but you can't tell. There's a bolted table in the center of the room, along with a matching set of chairs. A metal cot lay on the opposite wall of the mirror. You smile and sit down in the chair. Last time you were in a room like this, you tried to kill yourself several times. You remember the time with the broken glass from the mirror. The time they gave you a straw and you swallowed it. That time when you dropped your head in the toilet purposely. You giggle a little. You don't get very much time to dwell on the past because the metal door opens and there's Karkat. You think he looks nice in his uniform. He's holding a tray, and it looks like it has food on it. You think you see a syringe too, but you don't pay much notice because you're looking at Karkat. The mask was long gone, and you can tell by Karkat's expression that he's glad it is. When he tells you that shit is going to get done, you laugh. That sounded like something he'd say. Your smile widens. "I slept in today!" You say it like it's some kind of award.

~

Karkat opens his mouth; and sucks in a huge amount of air, holding his breath.

            John is happy because he was able to sleep in. _John is happy because he was able to sleep in._ Karkat feels a small amount of guilt for the thoughts he'd had earlier. Though...

_John was able to sleep in...Was it a part of leniency they were being granted?_

For a infinitesimal second, he's drowning; then he's breathing out in a sigh nowhere near as gusty as some of the winds he's been caught in. His face twitches into what feels like the extraordinary breeding of a grimace and a grin -it's really strange, if Johns new expression is anything to go by- so he drops it and taps the back of the other boys hand. "That's good," Karkat says sincerely, if not a bit hoarsely- . He won't look too closely at the shadows that seem just a bit lighter, at the feeling of _sharp_ that he's beginning to associate with John, softening. Instead he'll ignore all of that, try to keep the good mood between them, and hope that John won't notice the anger and hesitation in Karkat's eyes whenever he accidentally glances at the _instrument_ that sits on the trays edge.

It's not an option for Karkat to simply toss it on the floor. For all he knows, it's the only thing keeping John comfortable. For all he knows, it'll knock John out. They told him _, put it in his food._ They told him _, it's for his own good, you know,_ in voices as sympathetic as the ocean; just as cold and just as terrible.

 _So, no_ , Karkat may not be able to make any executive decisions. What he _is_ going to do is make sure they aren't fucking John up with this 'medicine'. Karkat has a right to know what it'll do to John as his 'Buddy'.

 _"_ That," he asks softly," that medicine. They said you might need it." Karkat decides it's easier to look John in the eyes then to stare at the silver tool. He's talking much too slowly and it feels unnatural, but he doesn't want to alarm John with the anger beneath the surface. "What does it do to you?"

~

 _What does it do to you?_ The words send a shock of pain through your entire body. You inhale sharply, and the world seems to tilt out of balance. Your gaze slowly turns hollow; as if you'd become blind. All expression drains from your face, and you stay silent for a long time. It looks like you aren't breathing again. After more than an awkward moment has gone by, you drone out in a voice like gravel, " _It makes me see things, Karkat."_ Your voice cracks at the end of your sentence, and a tear slides down your cheek. quietly, you whisper _, "help me."_ You realize with a start that this is a different you, this is the John that remembered. The John that knew what happened here. To all of you. To Gamzee.

-HELPMEHELPMEHELPMEHELPMEHELPMEHELPME _-_

 

    

 


End file.
